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The Destroyer War in 5 Minutes!Ok so some of my friends who play L5R and have been keen on the story haven't had time to keep up with it recently so asked for a quick summary of what has happened over the last arc. I got a decent response so I thought I'd share it here and see if you guys can think of any major events I might have missed. So, without further ado, The Destroyer War in 5 Minutes (possibly a bit more)!!Kali-Ma (crazy god of destruction from not-India) invades Jigoku, the home of Dark God Fu Leng.Daigotsu loses contact with Fu Leng. Unbeknowst to Daigotsu, Fu Leng has been kicked out of Jigoku.Oni's and stuff run away from Kali-Ma's invading army and Samurai start going wtf yo? What are those guys running away from?Spider Clan members start to leave Daigotsu and Fu Leng to work for Kali-Ma.After the Crab, reinforced by Lion and Unicorn, manage to stop the fleeing Shadowlands horde at the Wall, Kali-Ma's Destroyer army arrives and messes things up. The Great Carpenter Wall falls to the Destroyers. The Crab are broken like feeble peasants. Destroyers invade Scorpion lands. Kuon commits mega-seppuku.The Empress sends the Mantis to find out what is going on in not-India, the Unicorn complain because only they should be dealing with Gaijin territory.Meanwhile, Kakita Noritoshi continues his feud with Shosuro Jimen and starts slagging him off in the courts.Meanwhile meanwhile, the mysterious Ebon Daughter (Iuchi Yue) keeps spreading zombie plague across the Empire and zombie Paneki starts moving towards Lion lands.The Destroyer horde advances through Scorpion, Crane, Mantis, and Minor Clan provinces. Spits in the eye of the Hare. Bayushi Miyako, now acting as Scorpion Champion, brags about an evil plan to lure the Destroyer army into a trap.The Mantis arrive in not-India and find that Yoritomo Aramasu built the largest fleet ever seen and left it waiting for them. Also, a Grand Canyon full of the corpses of all of not-India's former residents.It is establised that the monstrous Destroyers are powered by the trapped souls of the sacrificed people.Furumaro and the Chibi Thunders meet run to Toshi Ranbo having acquired a Black Scroll containing part of Kali-Ma's essence.The Ebon Daughter is tracked down by the Unicorn and the Crab. Jade Champion Kuni Daigo beats her in a magical battle, then she gets shot, then Daimyo Hiruma Todori kicks her in the face.The plague starts to die down but Scorpion, Lion, and especially Crane lands are pretty messed up by it.Some Phoenix dude with a grudge kills some evil Oracles with some evil sword of magical evil and blood.The Destroyers take their turn and advance a bit more.The God-Beast, Kali-Ma's most powerful weapon, in the form of a gigantic panther, eats lots of Unicorn and Lion Samurai.The Beast foolishly eats a Goblin that was past its expiry and promptly kicks the bucket.Noritoshi kills a load of ninja who didn't expect him to throw his sword. The Mantis start paying people to defend the Empire. Assassins try to kill Empress Iweko. Satsu goes mental at them and saves her. Shosuro Jimen cancels Winter Court until Doji Domotai beats him down with a diplomatic pimp slap.The Crane hold Winter Court at their house. The Scorpion get upset. The Lion do some defending and the Spider start drinking Jade tea.Seppun Tashime finds Tamori Shaiko and kills her in a heroic fashion. He might have died.The Destroyer horde reaches The Castle of the Wasp. Bayushi Miyako laughs her evil laugh and claims that it was her plan all along to have the Destroyers kill the Wasp.The Wasp say 'Screw this' and half the Empire sets up fortifications around Kyuden Ashinagabachi. The Destroyer siege of Kyuden Ashinagabachi lasts for three weeks.Hida Benjiro kills a Rakshasa.In the third week the Empress sends for the Chibi Thunders and Furumaro. Furumaro refuses to go. The Empress gives them a letter for Daigotsu.They meet up with Furumaro, take the letter to Big D, and Daigotsu gives them the Tao of Fu Leng to take to the Empress.The Empress leaves Toshi Ranbo and heads towards the last known location of Kali-Ma. People panic.The Thunders realise that they need to distract Kali-Ma to save the Empress so Mirumoto Ichizo suggests they open the Black Scroll. Furumaro says 'Great idea! Totally your idea!'.Yoritomo Saburo opens the scroll. The Crab gets pissy. Kali-Ma uses her magical ESP and realises the scroll has beed opened so hurtles away from The Castle of the Wasp towards the scroll and the Empress. Her army follows.Furumaro cackles and reveals himself to be Fu Leng. He steals Kali-Ma's essence from the Black Scroll and performs his Animality, becoming a big black dragon of doom.Fu Leng and Kali-Ma have an enormous fight. The Empress watches from a temple and then Daigotsu appears.Moto Jin-Sahn immediately tries to kill him. Daigotsu uses force lightning on Jin-Sahn but Imperial Advisor Susumu throws himself in the way and is killed.The Empress asks that Daigotsu aid in defeating Kali-Ma. In return the Spider who are not tainted will be made a Minor Clan and Daigotsu Kanpeki, his son, will be cut off from Jigoku, made a lord of the Spider, and be trained in and Imperial house.The Empress also demands that in return, Daigotsu must commit seppuku. She gives him a wakizashi.Daigotsu kills himself. Shahai, Daigotsu's wife, gets a bit upset and meets the Chibi Thunders. They argue but she takes the Tao of Fu Leng from them and begins a ritual. This kills Akodo Shunori and Yoritomo Saburo.Moto Jin-Sahn attacks Kali-Ma's army with his troops and then Michio turns up with the Order of Venom and helps out a bit. Fu Leng prepares to strike a killing blow against Kali-Ma but then the evil goddess goes all Bane meets Batman on his and breaks his spine over her knee.Fu Leng dies.Hiruma Akio gets madder and beats Shahai over the head with a testubo, killing her just as the ritual is complete.Kali-Ma gets pissed and wants to know why she hasn't been able to absorb Fu Leng's power. The Universe begins to melt and tear around her. Property prices in Scorpion lands plummet.A giant, porcelain faced, white horned phantom appears before Kali-Ma. It touches Fu Leng's cheek and calls him Brother. The phantom turns to Kali-Ma and says 'This is my Empire. I will burn the world to protect it.' Super mega Daigotsu (the phantom thing), having returned from the dead thanks to Shahai's ritual, and having absorbed Fu Leng's power, rips Kali-Ma's still beating heart from her chest and then steals all her power too. This creates a new Festering Pit in the middle of the Scorpion home provinces.The Spider all start crying and kneel before the ascended Daigotsu. Lord of all Jigoku. Single most powerful being in the Universe ever (except perhaps Onnotangu and Amaterasu).Satsu goes to speak to the remaining Thunders and takes the Tao of Fu Leng. A reanimated Zombie Susumu takes the Tao from him and then demands to speak to the Empress.Susumu reveals himself to be the new Voice of Daigotsu, Lord of Jigoku and demands new terms for their assistance in beating Kali-Ma.Susumu demands that all Spider be pardoned of their crimes and that the Spider be made a Great Clan, not a Minor. In return Daigotsu will ensure that 'no human within the service of the Empress will suffer the Shadowlands taint unless they willingly accept his blessings'.Susumu becomes Dark Fortune of Deception, Shahai becomes Dark Fortune of Blood.The Empress (being a stupid goat of a woman) accepts. The Empress and Satsu leave the temple to address her victorious samurai. Satsu gives the Clans new duties.The Lion and Unicorn are to drive the remaining Destroyers from the Empire and serve as the primary military force.The Phoenix are to oversee the purification of her lands.The Scorpion and the Crab are to rebuild their homes and ensure that the new Pit and the Shadowlands are both heavily fortified against.The Spider are to be made a Great Clan (everyone goes 'Sorry what?!') and must submit to inspection by the Phoenix Inquisitors, the Jade Champion, the Kuni Witch Hunters or the Kuroiban or be banished to not-India where they will be overseen be the Dragon and work with the Mantis to...The Empress interrupts Satsu to speak for the first time ever, turns to the few remaining Spider and says 'Go forth, and conquer in my name.'
